Today is ok :)

So the last few days have been pretty good overall I must admit. Sunday we went to church at the local group and stayed for six hours, two hours of church and 4 hours of talking eating and board games. We have really enjoyed getting to know these two families and will miss them when they leave later this year!

Monday I went to a local village (only 40 min away) that is home to some "long neck" people who put metal coils around their necks, and legs too sometimes, to lengthen them. They also break their teeth and paint the stubs black. There were some cute kids running around and I couldn't help but wonder how God chooses what homes to send his children to. In my limited perspective I would judge there to be great differences in experiences between growing up in the huts there and the slums of Detroit and the mansions of Northville for example. Not sure that any of those are particularly great places to be happily raised, but I guess it matters more who your parents are and if you feel loved, safe and able to have your needs met. Hmmm. Well, it made me thankful for my life and my kids and my extended family and all their kids. Family=happiness for sure!

Kids are still struggling with school, especially Hannah and Analeah. There are only four girls in Hannah's grade who are non-asian (Korean or Thai) and they happen to be very rich and pretty mean-girl in every sense. (Nice to your face, sometimes. Rude and self-centered most often. Totally ignore you the rest of the time.) This has been extremely hard on Hannah who has had the same best friend from second grade, and a pretty decent sized group of girls who were well liked as friends. She is coping by trying to reach out to two other ostracized asian girls, Mok (a thai girl who is new), and Mao (a chinese girl who is actually Analeah's age but is not able to write/read english at HS level yet so is attending 7th grade). Both are coming over Thursday to celebrate Hannah's 13th birthday. A very different scenario that what she had planned for earlier this year before we knew we would move in April. I hope it turns out ok!

Analeah seems resigned to her fate at ISE. She has made some acquaintances, but no one that seems to stand out yet. She misses swim team, stake friends and her small circle of school friends. The ward leaders here have seemed to discourage my girls from attending girls camp, as they will be the only "english speaking" girls, but I think I will have to revisit that one. I am sure there are other thai students who speak english at least a little. I wonder if the leaders just don't want to have to go...sigh.

The maid has set a new record...3 days! :) I am actually enjoying having a maid twice a week! It gives me a break and independence, but also help. So at least twice a week I play with Isaac all day long while the maid cleans the entire house! I really like Khun Jim, she has been a gem so far. She doesn't speak much english, but she is soft spoken and a very hard worker.

David went to school with Ava today to attend her field trip to the "OpenZoo" which is a preserve where you drive through a large open area with zebra, giraffe, monkeys etc and feed them. Apparently you can pet them too which idea Ava was bonkers about. Hopefully David took some good pictures!

I feel much more positive this week than last. I spent some time last weekend trying to remember what it means to submit to all the will of the Lord. He places experiences in my path, and He will go through them with me if I let Him. Trying to run away or demand another route isn't submission. Feeling sorry for myself isn't faith. Depression isn't trust or hope. I am so grateful things are ok this week!

So I try again...

Living here has become a round of trying again. I went to another organized meet and greet of sorts for moms with pre-schoolers yesterday. It was held on the fourth floor of the Holiday Inn on the beach in Pattaya. I have yet to find an instant bond with anyone, and having just come from 9 years of creating bonds it has been a difficult adjustment to floating outside the currents of friendship here. 

I rode the elevator up with butterflies in my stomach. Even after decades of working on being more outgoing and having numerous positive experiences with making friends, I still struggle with fear in new circumstances. It's almost like dating, this dance of the mommies, and an event like this one is almost speed dating. You follow your child around the pool, or the music room, hoping to engage another mom with eye contact, perhaps a smile..."How old is he/she?" is the standby initial foray into uncharted waters.

The elevator dinged, swaying slightly-- the assuring way in which thai elevators announce they have mostly stopped and you may disembark. I pushed Isaac before me and around the corner to behold a swarm of strollers and bouncing heads filling the deck ahead. I exhaled slowly and cautiously worked my way to the table to pay my "donation" to the event and wondered how this might possibly be fun.

I asked the age of another mother's child 4 times. I  talked with a South African neighbor of mine for 10 minutes twice and chatted with a Japanese mom, a korean (I think) mom,  and a British mum. My neighbor is very pretty interior designer with two small kids. I really like her, but worry about clinging...so I allowed the conversation to ebb and moved on. Maybe I just am too fragile for awkward silence that stretches longer than 10 seconds. I hate dating moms, it's as bad as dating guys!! 

The Japanese mom has an adorable little girl and speaks very good English, the child next to hers splashes water all over us all and we laughed. Our eyes met and she asks where I am from. When I replied "America", she smiled widely "I went to a college in Tulsa Oklahoma!" I smiled back, "That must be why your English is so good!" 

She accepted the complement and remarked "You are the only American I have met since I have been here", and how long has she been here? Two years...the conversation ebbs again. I move on...

Her words stay with me...I do feel like the Only American sometimes. There are big groups of Asians, Russians, Brits and Aussies. More S Africans than Americans...I feel alone again.

So I try again at the end of music time..."How old is he?" I ask a lanky curly brown haired woman. "Fifteen months" she answers and I recognize the same anxiousness in her eyes. Harriet has been here 3 months, and is from Kent England. She has FOUR kids, the first woman I've meet with more than three here! She told me I'd won the prize for most kids in the group. I just smiled. I think that no one else wanted to win that here anyways, ah well.

She waved as I left and reminded me about wiggletown on Wednesday...maybe I'll try once more tomorrow.

So shortly after arriving home the bell rang. A thai woman who is a maid at the neighbors has another thai maid in tow...word obviously had spread of the first and last maid's departure. NO need for craigslist here!!! She acted as translator between the unemployed maid and I.

 I had decided over the weekend that I didn't enjoy the everyday idea, and told her I was looking for only 2 days a week. This maid was agreeable to the idea, though who knows how long she will stay?! So viola I had a new maid come today! She doesn't speak more than 10 words in english so I will have to try again to learn a new language. It's funny how french and mandarin words come to mind constantly here...my mind is always wondering how I might ask things in thai and those two languages pop up as I remember the appropriate words I learned long ago. I have actually been amazed how much I do remember. But I have also been reluctant to learn thai as I realized how easy it was to get by here with only english. 

David has encouraged me to learn thai as he says this will help me feel at home and part of this crazy environment. So today I tried a new phrase...taan laao set wan ni-- "You are finished for today"--- I tried out some other ones but failed miserably. The maid and I just laughed. Maybe I will try again to learn another language that is not mine...

Didn't the maid do a good job? The floors are all sparkly clean. The repair guys also fixed the ac in the master bedroom which went out last night. Had to wake up and shower again just from sleeping!...Productive day at home!

This place is so challenging for me and everyday is really just trying again in so many ways. Very few things are comfortable and so many are overwhelming. But all I can do is try again.