Living here has become a round of trying again. I went to another organized meet and greet of sorts for moms with pre-schoolers yesterday. It was held on the fourth floor of the Holiday Inn on the beach in Pattaya. I have yet to find an instant bond with anyone, and having just come from 9 years of creating bonds it has been a difficult adjustment to floating outside the currents of friendship here.
I rode the elevator up with butterflies in my stomach. Even after decades of working on being more outgoing and having numerous positive experiences with making friends, I still struggle with fear in new circumstances. It's almost like dating, this dance of the mommies, and an event like this one is almost speed dating. You follow your child around the pool, or the music room, hoping to engage another mom with eye contact, perhaps a smile..."How old is he/she?" is the standby initial foray into uncharted waters.
The elevator dinged, swaying slightly-- the assuring way in which thai elevators announce they have mostly stopped and you may disembark. I pushed Isaac before me and around the corner to behold a swarm of strollers and bouncing heads filling the deck ahead. I exhaled slowly and cautiously worked my way to the table to pay my "donation" to the event and wondered how this might possibly be fun.
I asked the age of another mother's child 4 times. I talked with a South African neighbor of mine for 10 minutes twice and chatted with a Japanese mom, a korean (I think) mom, and a British mum. My neighbor is very pretty interior designer with two small kids. I really like her, but worry about clinging...so I allowed the conversation to ebb and moved on. Maybe I just am too fragile for awkward silence that stretches longer than 10 seconds. I hate dating moms, it's as bad as dating guys!!
The Japanese mom has an adorable little girl and speaks very good English, the child next to hers splashes water all over us all and we laughed. Our eyes met and she asks where I am from. When I replied "America", she smiled widely "I went to a college in Tulsa Oklahoma!" I smiled back, "That must be why your English is so good!"
She accepted the complement and remarked "You are the only American I have met since I have been here", and how long has she been here? Two years...the conversation ebbs again. I move on...
Her words stay with me...I do feel like the Only American sometimes. There are big groups of Asians, Russians, Brits and Aussies. More S Africans than Americans...I feel alone again.
So I try again at the end of music time..."How old is he?" I ask a lanky curly brown haired woman. "Fifteen months" she answers and I recognize the same anxiousness in her eyes. Harriet has been here 3 months, and is from Kent England. She has FOUR kids, the first woman I've meet with more than three here! She told me I'd won the prize for most kids in the group. I just smiled. I think that no one else wanted to win that here anyways, ah well.
She waved as I left and reminded me about wiggletown on Wednesday...maybe I'll try once more tomorrow.
So shortly after arriving home the bell rang. A thai woman who is a maid at the neighbors has another thai maid in tow...word obviously had spread of the first and last maid's departure. NO need for craigslist here!!! She acted as translator between the unemployed maid and I.
I had decided over the weekend that I didn't enjoy the everyday idea, and told her I was looking for only 2 days a week. This maid was agreeable to the idea, though who knows how long she will stay?! So viola I had a new maid come today! She doesn't speak more than 10 words in english so I will have to try again to learn a new language. It's funny how french and mandarin words come to mind constantly here...my mind is always wondering how I might ask things in thai and those two languages pop up as I remember the appropriate words I learned long ago. I have actually been amazed how much I do remember. But I have also been reluctant to learn thai as I realized how easy it was to get by here with only english.
David has encouraged me to learn thai as he says this will help me feel at home and part of this crazy environment. So today I tried a new phrase...taan laao set wan ni-- "You are finished for today"--- I tried out some other ones but failed miserably. The maid and I just laughed. Maybe I will try again to learn another language that is not mine...
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This place is so challenging for me and everyday is really just trying again in so many ways. Very few things are comfortable and so many are overwhelming. But all I can do is try again.
Well, though you are alone in being the only American, those butterflies are so normal! I don't think we've moved around a LOT, but enough that every few years it's a new place, and you are totally right about 'dating moms'. Way to go for trying again instead of giving up! i think that is the hardest part.
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